Loves Beginning
by deadlyxenvy
Summary: Even in death would I love you despite how in life I never had a chance. Things don’t make sense for us, not even this broken little love. Tezuka, I love you. Perfect Pair
1. The End

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing but my angsty mind D:

Loves Beginning

**Plot:** Even in death would I love you despite how in life I never had a chance. Things don't make sense for us, not even this broken little love. Tezuka, I love you. Perfect Pair

_Tezuka Kunimitsu, would you learn to love?_

Sitting by himself on the rooftop of Seishun Gakuen Fuji Syuusuke was wrapped in his thoughts a pleasant smile upon his delicate features. Honey brown hair was swept back and forth with the wind, occasionally falling into his face, and covering his already closed eyes while his crisp uniform hugged his lithe slightly girlish frame. The top few buttons of his shirt were undone in an attempt to cool down slightly from the heat of the day revealing a hint of his creamy pale skin.

Only one thing, one person, was in his thoughts, plagued them even, despite how pleasant the tensai looked to anyone who could be fooled by his smile. The stoic buchou of Seigaku's tennis team consumed him as he faced the fence that surrounded the rooftop and over looked the campus. Silently thinking to himself about things that he could never make true even with all of his genius capability and talent. Too bad his tennis skills were seemingly useless in accomplishing what he wanted and for once the tensai couldn't just have his way.

Campus was deserted since school had ended hours before, all club activities were over for the day, and no one but Fuji was there anymore. They had all gone home to there families to have dinner and doing what Fuji should be. That didn't matter though since it was better that no one was around anymore for it meant no one could bother him. He didn't have any such desire to go home for the night, have a nice dinner with his family, and start the next day as always. There wouldn't be a need to reinforce his failing mask of pleasantness, to fool someone into thinking he was just fine. If there was one thing that the honey haired tensai was sick of the most it was faking happiness.

Lightly brushing a hand under his chin his fingers curled into a light grip forming his familiar pose that many assumed to be one of thought. As unreadable as ever he was eternally glad that his closed eyes further helped to conceal his thoughts and emotions. It made everything easier if everyone just believed what he wanted them to, not what really was. No one was around to attempt to read his thoughts anyways but still his eyes remained closed.

It was peaceful up on the roof with the wind blowing almost comfortingly against him and the setting of the slowly dying sun as it began its progression to the other side of the world. What he liked the most was the silence, the time to think without distraction, and how he was utterly alone with himself to be able to do as he chose. There would be no questions to bother him, noise to distract his train of thought, and most of all no Tezuka Kunimitsu to make everything more complicated.

_Nothing would stop me from giving you my heart._

How stupid was the third year for giving into principals he himself disagreed with? Always had he been unpredictable but this was something he hadn't ever planned, had the inkling of it happening, but that was exactly how the worst things happened. Or perhaps the best, he hadn't quite decided if the unpredicted situation he was in was bad or good. All he knew was he was in it and there was no turning back from the point at which he unknowingly started down his path. At which Fuji Syuusuke started to love Seigaku's buchou.

Leaning against the back of the side of the roof a soft smile tugged at his lips playing with the edges until it all but faded with the wind. Removing his hand from under his chin the same hand lowered to rest upon his thigh, arms moving in graceful movements as always. There was nothing left for him to do up on the roof besides sit and think, decide if he really was going to go through with what he wanted, and to reflect. For someone who spoke very little unless it was to keep up his masks he had a lot to think about for Fuji often ended up living in his mind more then anywhere else.

Parting his lips slightly to exhale a small puff of breath that could be considered a sigh the middle Fuji child whispered his trademark 'saa..' to himself. How Tezuka had ever rejected him was a mystery to all of their fangirls but there was no doubt in his own mind as to why. He had always known that Tezuka wasn't one to replicate such a thing as the feelings he had developed for him. That there was no way that his friend and teammate would ever do something that would risk the teams bond with one another. In all ways Tezuka wasn't selfish enough to ever have something for himself, do something just for himself, or feel the dammed emotions that the tensai had discovered.

But Fuji was selfish, incredibly selfish, so much that it almost hurt and he was also not. The tensai too would not endanger the team or his friendship with his buchou. A friendship he had worked long and hard to achieve with someone as antisocial as the other. It was almost funny to think that the two had become friends in the first place what with there conflicting personalities.

Maintaining his blank mask as the wind seemed to play with his hair his never faltering smile reformed upon his lips. Yet the twist of his lips upwards seemed slightly sardonic and contradicting to itself to anyone who would look closely. It was almost time for a decision to be made, only a few minutes more, one of importance that had been debated for quite some time. Something that the proclaimed genius could never quite justify either choice or either end for that matter and would not choose until he was sure. A test perhaps of his own resolve, accurately his opinion of himself, which would not be taken lightly.

_Even if logic predicted you would shatter it into a million pieces_

Sliding his hand from its resting place upon his hip the honey haired male lifted himself to stand his lips twisting ever upwards in the forced smile. Lifting his hands to lightly brush off bits of dirt from his uniform he hummed softly to himself as his thoughts continued to wander. Memories upon memories passed through his mind, all of them ones he cherished, as echoes of those times seemed to haunt him. 'Haunted' was a good word to describe how Fuji felt whenever his own mind seemed to betray him but there was no changing what was, he had learned that the hard way.

Dislodging his foot from its place on the rooftop to move foreword a step or two he placed himself in front of the fence that guarded the edge. The barrier that kept him from harms way. Sliding his long slender fingers to interlock around the hexagonal shapes in the wire the edges of his lips slackened if only for a moment.

"You were right of course Tezuka," he spoke quietly to himself letting his voice carry on the wind a touch of dejection lining his tone. There was no doubt within him that his words were false, he never would lie to himself, the small third year felt a laugh build in his throat. Of course the stoic man was right he had never been wrong since Fuji had known him so it was ridiculous to think of him as being wrong. Time always did tell more then thoughts ever did, proved even as he stood there.

Flexing his finger a bit his grip tightened a fraction while a soft frown tugged at his lips. They said frowning took more energy then to smile but for him it was the opposite. A smile took more from him then a frown ever did; like his lips were reminding him of his fakeness. Giving up his mask for a moment his lips fell with ease into a hardly seen frown as his eyebrows dipped lower into an almost scowl. Gods how it felt like a weight was lifted from his shoulders when he frowned for once showing how he really felt. But still his eyes would remain tightly closed in habit of hiding his azure hues from the world around him.

Brow furrowing in thought the tensai had already forgotten that he had spoken at all, it mattered little anyways, and his grip upon the fence loosened. Still he hadn't reached a full decision but that was fine as time was ticking by slowly so the need to rush was not there. Releasing his grip entirely from the fence he slowly brought it back to his side, resting lightly against his hip. Prolonging seemed unfit for himself and with another puff of breath that resembled a sigh he leaned his forehead against the barrier from him and the edge.

_For I would never regret loving you_

Resting against the wire linked fence the small laugh built up in his throat was released coming from his lips softly only to gain volume. Yet as the ironic noise began to die from his vocal chords the salty liquid built within his closed lids. "You were always right, ne? Always..." his soft voice broke free from his lips and slowly died with his laugh. And from behind his closed lids the shameful drop of salt water slipped down his cheek for a mere moment. Letting the tear slip down his delicate skin the third year lifted his head from the fence stubbornly keeping his eyelids closed even still.

Both of his hands replaced themselves upon the wire fence their grip stronger then before near desperately so. Now a decision was made, the final one that day, and nothing would deter the forever sudden teen from accomplishing it. He had failed before yet this time that would not happen, he would not let it anymore. With strength built from years of tennis his hands one at a time rose among the hexagonal shapes to pull his small body higher.

Up and up, higher and higher, upon the fence did he rise as his hands with the help of his feet climbed his obstacle. Stopping only when he reached the top his too long hair for a boy fell within his eyes only to be ignored. Turning his body onto the other side the same progression happened but backwards on the other side of the no longer barrier of a fence. Soft frown still etched upon his lips it was apparent that concentration was the only thing Fuji allowed into his thoughts.

Feet softly landing onto his goal, the edge of the rooftop, his tennis shoes squeaked softly with the sudden disentanglement from the fence. Absently glad of reaching his destination the unusual frown formed back into the once more fake smile as once more he brushed off his clothing. Nodding softly to himself in signal that it was time did the lithe individual take a step back letting his heels perch dangerously. Now was time to fulfill his plan, now he was finally ready.

Preparing himself for further movement a creak from the door to the roof snapped him out of his concentration just as he took that final step. Snapping his head towards the sound his eye lids fluttered open revealing at last his azure eyes catching site of far familiar clear no rimmed glasses. Yet the ledge was no longer beneath his body and falling through the air a soft, _real_, smile lit up the tensai's face.

Fuji Syuusuke kept his eyes open as he fell his smile lifting as the last thing he saw was Tezuka...

_Until the day I died_

* * *

**A/N**: ...Um wow that was rather angsty wasn't it? Can't believe myself that I wrote this but for anyone who likes this it isn't over yet. There will be more chapters each in different point of views from various people and filled with flashbacks that further tell the story. Review please if you liked it :D


	2. Pure Heartache

**Disclaimer: **Mm repeating myself is annoying but I don't own this.

**Pure Heartache**

Pushing the bridge of his glasses father upon his nose Seigaku's former pillar of support stood silently for a moment at Seigaku's empty tennis courts. His face was etched into its usual blank expression, his lips formed into a solid line that was neither a frown nor a smile, and his eyes were clear of any noticeable emotion. All and all he looked no different then normal despite how his mind was in a state far from what he was used to. But appearance wise there was no evidence of such a thing for that would be considered letting his guard down and that he wasn't prepared to happen right then.

Simply staring at the recently used courts the tall male wouldn't admit that he was deep in saddening thoughts, that he felt hurt, and that it was harder then ever for him to keep his usual stoic mood in place. His clear headed, or perhaps stubborn mindset, wouldn't let it show especially not right after practice had ended. There was his team to think about, nationals, along with everything other responsibility that fell upon his shoulders that kept him from doing so. How he felt was of no consequence to anyone but himself that was always what he told himself, what he believed to be true.

Without a word or hardly a sound at all Tezuka turned before slowly picking up his feet to walk towards the locker room. Taking his time despite how class would soon be starting his brown eyes barely registered anything he was seeing even when he reached his locker and stood in front of it. Reaching out to open said locker his hand moved on its own accord and without conscious thought of doing so he was soon dressed in his school uniform. Closing his eyes momentarily his lips parted ever so slightly to let escape a tiny sigh knowing that no one was around to hear it.

Grabbing the things he needed and shutting the locker his chestnut hues glanced around the empty room for a moment before finally he began heading towards his first class. Stepping into the classroom a minute before the bell rang it was the first time the brunette had even been remotely close to being late. Ignoring this fact in light of his already far too preoccupied mind he took his seat as silently as ever but as the teacher began the lesson for once he tuned it out.

Simply staring at the bored his face was still molded into its accustomed stoic expression yet a few creases here and there were proof of his troubled thoughts. Thoughts that now free of responsibility of his team grew and festered within him as the seconds drove on. Brooding he believed it to be called yet he couldn't muster up the feeling to care, to set those thoughts aside, and to pay attention to the lesson he knew would be on an upcoming test. Who in the hell cared about math at that moment? Tezuka Kunimitsu did not for he cared about something else, about his brooding, the subject of his utter dismay.

'_Fuji...'_

A largely melancholic thought surfaced to the forefront of his mind despite how all along it was probably already there. With none of his teammates to rest his focus upon the buchou found it nearly impossible to keep at bay the thoughts that threatened to engulf him. How one person, one incident, one seemingly small thing, had caused the stoic entity that was Tezuka to crack and show his utterly human side. Too long had he placed his team before himself forcing himself to be disciplined and the entity of his personal saying. 'Yudan Sezu Ni Ikou,' how much those words had changed him.

Yet now the crack ran deep like a broken damn and his emotions trickled out such as water does when it finds an escape. The person who was now snatched away from him was becoming the majority of his thoughts. Fuji Syuuuske, the infamous tensai of Seigaku, was now gone forever and Tezuka himself had seen him die.

* * *

_Finding himself still at Seishun Gakuen despite how classes had ended hours ago the stoic male was rather unsure himself as to why he was still there. Practice too had ended awhile and despite how Oishi had offered Tezuka had stayed to lock up. Yet still he lingered there without much of a reason as to why not that he let himself ponder this either. Instead he chose to find an opportunity in this and _

_began to practice on the now empty courts. Nationals were coming up and he was determined to be at his peak for his team, he wouldn't let them down._

_Practicing his serve he let himself focus solely on tennis, on the ball he held in his hand, the racket in his other, and the baseline on the opposite side of the court. Brown hues staring out from behind his clear frames he began to serve again and again not stopping until he was satisfied with himself, a no small task. _

_Yet when a thin coat of sweat covered his body he finally stopped. Placing the tennis ball back where it belonged and his racket within his locker the glasses wearing buchou changed into his everyday clothing fully preparing to leave now. Making sure the place was locked up, it would do no good if Oishi found it unlocked in the morning as he would surely fret about, he found himself stopping to stare at the schools rooftop. Why he didn't know, a gut feeling perhaps, but in either case the action was proved to not be in vein. _

_Up on the rooftop he could spot a figure and upon squinting he recognized it as none other then Fuji Syuusuke. Brow furrowing slightly in both confusion and agitation he shook his head slightly before heading into the school intending to find out exactly what the tensai was doing on the rooftop. Climbing the several flights of stairs, some of them unfamiliar as he had never actually been to the roof, Tezuka found himself growing more agitated then confused. _

_Probably Fuji was up to another one of his strange antics that never failed to slightly agitate the stoic male. So yet again he had no answer as to why he continued up the stairs his pace imperceptibly growing faster. There was no use wondering about this so he simply didn't deciding that continuing on was now the best option._

_Though as he finally reached the rooftop Fuji was no longer where he had first spotted him. In fact he was no longer within his sight. Pausing to blink, a rather odd gesture from someone like him, his eyes darted to the side to spot the tensai on the other side of the protective fence. Curiously he had an expression that Tezuka had never seen on the slightly younger male, acceptance._

_Fully intending to scold the other for doing so as dangerous as climbing the fence to get on the other side of the rooftop the buchou found that he never got the chance. After he had taken but a step or so a horrifying moment occurred, Fuji took a step closer to the edge turning his head around so that his icy blue eyes met Tezuka's, and in that instance he knew exactly what the other was going to do._

_Heart beating faster then he ever thought possible the buchou did something he had never done before; panic. Running towards the fence without a thought his mind refused to listen that it was too late when Fuji did the most horrifying thing of all. _

_He stepped off the edge leaving nothing behind but those startling blue eyes burned into Tezuka's mind._

* * *

Just as he felt another crack would form in his stoic mask from the all too raw memory the bell rang interrupting him from his thoughts. Blinking rather slowly he mechanically grabbed his things and stood up having not a clue as to what had gone on in that lesson, frankly he didn't quite care. Carrying his things to his next class Tezuka found himself buried even deeper within his thoughts his feet carrying him to his destination without thought.

And again he arrived just before the bell rang, sat down in his seat, and tuned out the lesson completely in favor of his thoughts. At that moment it didn't matter to him that he could possibly fail the next test, be yelled at by his teachers, or something else of like nature. All that mattered was his grief; grief that he had finally admitted was there. That Fuji Syuusuke meant something more then just a simply teammate and fellow third year.

He had seen him _die_. Been there when the horrible moment had occurred where the tensai's foot no longer touched something solid and instead fell mercy to gravity. Tezuka had seen the look in his usually closed eyes that chilled him to the very bone. And worst of all he had the knowledge that he 

might have somehow been able to prevent it. No, he _knew_, that he could have prevented it in someway or somehow.

The nagging feeling that it was all his fault chose now to engulf him and oddly enough he accepted it for the need for a sort of outlet took place. He was the one who should receive the blame, it was unacceptable to let his teammates do so, for Fuji had trusted him, and sadly he now knew that Fuji had cared for him far more deeply then he had thought. Taking however long it was, time seemed to be nonexistent that day, Tezuka let the feelings that he was to blame steadily wash over him.

Like a rock steadily being pounded on by the elements he slowly felt more and more of his stoic-ness be eaten away. What use was it of now anyways when no one that counted on him was around and especially that one mischievous brunette was now gone. And unbidden by his thoughts the memory of a recent conversation the two had shared washed over him to further erode the mask.

* * *

"_Saa, Tezuka do you know what love is?" Coming from seemingly nowhere the tensai of Seigaku spoke in his usual evasive way. _

_Withholding a mental sigh Tezuka looked up from what he was doing to glance blankly at the shorter male. Taking a moment to deem that the question was actually intended to be answered he reached up to adjust his glasses before replying simply with, "yes."_

_Apparently unsatisfied with this answer Fuji moved closer to him before reaching out to nudge his shoulder. "Ne, that's not a very clear answer Tezuka. You can't answer that question with a 'yes' or a 'no', it's unsuitable." A hint of agitation and what was maybe disappointment colored his voice but Tezuka hardly took any notice of it. _

_He was busy trying to decide the best line-up for the teams next match and had no time to play Fuji's little games. Glancing back at his chart he dismissively waved his hand replying monotonously, "its unimportant in my life."_

_Receiving another nudge for his response it was quite obvious that yet again the tensai wasn't at all satisfied by this. "Even if someone who is close to you professes their love to you?" _

_Finding himself struck by the oddity of the question he once more looked up only to spare the other a small glance that quite plainly said he had better things to do. "Love gets in the way, it is useless and only ends up being a bother. There's your answer now if you would leave so I can finish this Fuji." Dismissing him rather coldly without a thought he barely heard the whispered response as the honey haired male walked away._

"_Then it really is time"_

* * *

Thinking back Tezuka realized that he had never quite understood what Fuji had meant by those words but now he finally did. True to form Fuji was using his obscure ways to admit to him that he loved Tezuka and he had been too inane to notice. Now did he wish that he had paid more attention and had understood that Fuji meant to end it all after his rejection. Yet he truly had been blind to the facts that lay right in front of him.

Regret was now an all too familiar thing and he would never be able to forget the sting of it. Never.

Yet as the bell rang again he gathered his things and began his routine of making it to class just in time and brooding during the lesson. It wasn't hard at all to predict that he would only feel twice as worse by the end of the day, blame himself more then he originally had, and go over his many mistakes with the one and only sadistic tensai. Love, he found out was something that could never be taken lightly. Heartbreak even more so.

What truly mattered was not the chance of ruining the teams chance of nationals by involving himself in a relationship but accepting that he in fact did love Fuji Syuusuke. He truly had loved him, loved him still, and his foolish mistakes had ruined it all.

Yet somehow through all of his less then pleasant thoughts Tezuka made it through afternoon practice or at least enough so to make sure the team didn't slack off. Despite how much he wanted to just call it off and let everyone go home and grieve. It just seemed wrong to be playing tennis when Fuji was...gone.

Ordering everyone to run a few extra laps he ended practice telling everyone to go home while he himself lagged severely behind yet again. Though unlike that morning he wasn't alone, his fukubuchou had stayed behind has well, forgoing getting ready to go home to instead stare worriedly at the other. If there was anyone that could tell when Tezuka's stoic mask was broken it would be Oishi and as he slowly walked into the empty locker room he felt as if his very being began to crack.

It was all too much for him, Fuji's sudden death, the blame he placed upon himself, and all the regrets he had along with the pain of loosing someone he only recently realized he loved. And as soon as he reached his locker the damn finally broke, Tezuka Kunimitsu broke down right then and there. Fresh hot tears leaked quickly from his eyes blurring his already poor vision as he let his body slump against the lockers, falling down onto the bench.

Absently he heard the obvious sound of Oishi hurrying over to him and placing a hand upon his shoulder but Tezuka didn't care. Fuji was dead, _dead_, and it was all his damn fault. If he hadn't rejected him, refused to admit that he loved him, then Fuji would still be alive, Syuusuke could be in his arms that very moment. The enigma that was the honey haired male could have been his and his alone but all he had now was his regret. All he had was the cold pain of being all alone without the person he truly loved.

Tezuka Kunimitsu for the first time felt heartache and knew that nothing is this world hurt more.

* * *

...Oh wow that's the end of this chapter and to be honest I find myself growing a bit teary eyed. Its so sad to think of Tezuka finally breaking down like that, really it is. But I wrote this for everyone who loved my fic, I thank them all for reviewing as well, and for the fact that I myself love this pairing to death.

Though I'd like to bring up a few things: First of all; yes Fuji is well dead. If this bothers you I'm sorry but its what happened in this story. Also remember that each chapter will be written in a different view with various flashbacks along the way to further tell this story. Each person will be someone close to Fuji and they will tell there own touching stories of him.

So if you like this, review please! It keeps me going.


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